you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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