Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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