He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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