Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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