Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
