Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
