You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
