It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
