I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
