Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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