meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Walk of Shame today included voting.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
