She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
