Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
