too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
