I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
