I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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