so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
