She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
