So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
