my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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