no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have peed in a lot of sinks
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
