So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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