Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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