Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
