420 ftw
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
