How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
