I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
