I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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