My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
