I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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