I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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