she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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