wanna go halves on a baby?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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