I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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