They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
