I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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