Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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