Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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