I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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