yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Randomize
