I think i peed on brittanys purse
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
