the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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