My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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