used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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