i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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