Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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