Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Are my feet made of real feet?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
