I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
