Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
