Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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