Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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