At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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