At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
